Warm Bodies

Producer 1: Man, teenagers really love these vampire romance movies.
Producer 2: I know. Know what else they love? Zombies.
Producer 1: Yeah. What about a zombie romance?
Producer 2: I like it!

And so, with a little money from BMW and Corona Extra, Warm Bodies was created. Two young lovers are forbidden from being together ala Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. And if that wasn't obvious enough for the audience, their names are R and Julie, and there's a balcony scene.

I don't think zombie movies need excessive gore to be good, but I'd like to see a little flesh. Colored contacts and mascara do not a zombie make. And what about all those scars on their faces? They must have had those before they got infected, because wounds don't heal on dead people. When the zombies first experience love, their hearts glow. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure the human heart is not located directly in the center of one's chest.

In this film's universe, I can accept the fact that a zombie learns simple words from spending time with this girl. But that doesn't explain how his zombie-friend, who's hasn't met the girl, learns complete English phrases. At one point, a soldier being stalked by a zombie suddenly forgets how to operate his weapon. No matter how hard I try, I can't think of a plausible way in which these scenarios make sense.

If you're going to make a teen romance with a supernatural creature of any kind, don't hire a lead actress who looks just like Kristen Stewart of Twilight. If you're going to make a movie marketed for teens, don't have them casually drink beer. If you're going to make a comedy, make sure it's actually funny. And if you're going to make a zombie movie, let us see a little blood.

Snow White & the Huntsman

When a story is really good, it gets told over and over again. Grimm's Snow White is one of those stories. The most notable version is definitely Disney's 1937 animated movie. But, like most Disney movies, they took out all of the excitingly brutal murders and scary parts. Thankfully, Snow White & the Huntsman has kept all of the good parts.

Often times in live-action fairy tales, a little humor is added to lighten up the story a bit. There is no humor in this film and it's awesomely dark. Much of this is due to Charlize Theron's part as the queen. She plays the role like she was born for it. She makes the queen as cruel as Adolf Hitler and as sexy as... well, Charlize Theron. Kristen Stewart is obviously making up for bad-ass moments she missed while making Twilight movies. This Snow White is not a damsel in distress, she's a warrior leading a revolution. This is a very empowering movie for women.

The special effects are not only impressively real, but abstract. My favorite example of this is the mirror. He appears as a man completely draped in a thick cloth that is the gold mirror itself. Other great effects include the queen becoming a murder of crows, shattering soldiers made of rock shards, and a troll (one of my favorite parts).

Like many fantasy movies, this one has a lot of strong symbolism. The queen wears all black and so does her army and Snow rides a white horse. Although these things sound stupid and a little obvious, they help build the mythology of the fairy tale. These things, as well as the awesome scenery, make the movie visually-stunning.

Everyone will like this movie. It has fighting, beautiful people of both sexes, a love interest, and a troll. Parents, show your kids how Snow White is supposed to be. Kids, learn how Disney tries to sugar-coat everything. And women, be empowered by everything in this movie.