Sunday, February 24, 2013
Producer 2: I know. Know what else they love? Zombies.
Producer 1: Yeah. What about a zombie romance?
Producer 2: I like it!
And so, with a little money from BMW and Corona Extra, Warm Bodies was created. Two young lovers are forbidden from being together ala Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. And if that wasn't obvious enough for the audience, their names are R and Julie, and there's a balcony scene.
I don't think zombie movies need excessive gore to be good, but I'd like to see a little flesh. Colored contacts and mascara do not a zombie make. And what about all those scars on their faces? They must have had those before they got infected, because wounds don't heal on dead people. When the zombies first experience love, their hearts glow. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure the human heart is not located directly in the center of one's chest.
In this film's universe, I can accept the fact that a zombie learns simple words from spending time with this girl. But that doesn't explain how his zombie-friend, who's hasn't met the girl, learns complete English phrases. At one point, a soldier being stalked by a zombie suddenly forgets how to operate his weapon. No matter how hard I try, I can't think of a plausible way in which these scenarios make sense.
If you're going to make a teen romance with a supernatural creature of any kind, don't hire a lead actress who looks just like Kristen Stewart of Twilight. If you're going to make a movie marketed for teens, don't have them casually drink beer. If you're going to make a comedy, make sure it's actually funny. And if you're going to make a zombie movie, let us see a little blood.